Roaring Lamb

When things sound strange

For some reason this morning the bass sounds on my computer sounded so awful that I nearly panicked.  Was the bad sound coming from the computer, the headphones, or my cochlear implant?  As I switched the audio to different tracks, played music and so on to track the problem sound, a familar feeling of dread came over me.  The same dread that hit whenever a hearing aid quits working, a tubing breaks or anything that stops the sound.  It just about feels like instant depression.

After taking the headphones to work and playing some more songs, the relief began to flow as it became apparent the problem was not really the CI.  Occasionally there is a question about how bass sounds, but nothing like that distorted sound that set off the alarm bells this morning.  In the past I mentally talked myself out of the dread and depression, but this time I played music and over time the feelings dispersed.

Having access to sound in the past two months makes the emotional link even stronger than when something went wrong with my hearing aid  in the past.  I've noticed my total distaste for the silence that descends when my battery gives out, but am okay with silence in the morning before putting on my CI.  The difference between the two silences is one is by choice, the other one is somewhat unexpected--a reminder that I'm dependant on a battery operated device to hear  better.

The distorted bass sound that  set off a panic reaction turned to be something of a mystery.  I hear a similar sound only briefly at times, just for a split second in a portion of music or men's voices.  When the sound turned bad my body and mind tensed up instantly. Now the music sounds enjoyable and it is relaxing.  This espisode will be one to explore with the audiologist, but it may just have been a problem with the online recording I was hearing.  Besides, there is potiential flexibility with new programs that I'll be getting on Tuesday.

Ready for that new mapping

March 25th marks the two month anniversary for my new hearing world.  It turned out better than my wildest expectations even if my eye tends to twitch along with the music. 

While driving my car to Safeway to buy milk, I changed programs (there's three of them on the Auria), but accidently bumped the volume switch.  That will teach me to leave the thing alone when I'm driving!  Got it so loud, I couldn't see out of my left eye, since the twitching increases along with the volume.  It got straightened out at the next traffic light.  No it doesn't hurt, but feels mighty strange.

So next Tuesday will be my 5th mapping, to see what they can do with this one sensitive electrode.  It's not the high frequency ones, and it doesn't seem to be the lowest ones either.  I've let it go up to now because I don't want the sound messed with...will it still sound okay if they make changes to dampen the twitching?  So pray that the solution means great sound and no winking at the guys!  Since I can control it with the volume switch, it's not as awful as it sounds.  But from the beginning, I've liked my sounds loud.  This computer plays at maximum volume.  My radio in the car is usually too loud if someone's riding with me.  The loud music during the Thursday meeting doesn't bug me like hearing people, only the fact that my voice is lost and I can't figure out what note to sing.

But I just want to explore the world of sound and have got a lot of catching up to do.  It's going to take awhile to find those songs that I like.  But it will be fun.  One thing for sure, I need to hear some crickets!  But that's another story...it is one of the last high frequency sounds I remember from childhood.

Piano music

Two months ago, I played this CD of instrumental piano music.  At that time the sound wasn't pleasing at all.  Today it is quite crisp, though I'm still evaluating the highest notes as to how good it sounds.  Another song that featured bell sounds came through really well.

This piano CD is playing some other sounds I'm not familiar with, perhaps they have a wind noise, since it is mood music.  When the piano sounds come on, I soak up the timbre, or perhaps it is called vibrato--anyway the notes have that quick vibrating sound that are a wonderful new sound for me. For certain the high notes probably eluded me all my life.

The only musical device or instrument I own is my computer.  I can count the number of music tapes I own on one hand. The walkman style recorder got given away over 10 years ago.  Now I'll look for CD's at every garage sale. 

Just close your eyes and listen to music, really listen.  Most of what hearing people can hear, I've only heard well in the last month.  mmm....it's time to sign off and close my eyes....

I'm in love with music

This one longing I've had for all these years is to enjoy music.  I've mentioned in an earlier post that these (newly purchased) headphones seem to be glued to my head these days.  Once I start playing music, I find myself just stopping and listening, savoring the sound of certain songs.  There are oldies I want to hear again, but the search to find them online is overwhelming.  However the first music I heard was the Hawaiian radio station in the rental car nearly two months ago.  On Saturday I came home with a CD made by a Hawaiian Christian artist.  The Hawaiian language is far more relaxed than English with many more vowels and far fewer consanants.   One song is instrumental, probably ukele and if music could be tasted, it was sweeter than chocolate.

So there's a lot of catching up to do.  What kind of music do I like?  Well, maybe not rap, but there's all these different styles worth looking into.  Got suggestions?

Phone use

Bit by bit voices over the phone is becoming clearer.  I'm not ready to wing it without captioning, but I have called people who know me with just a regular phone.

1. I answered the phone at home because my roommate was at work.  Hearing the phone ringing is NOT a problem, the problem is being able to understand the conversation.  This time I heard the caller's name, and after a bit of conversation using yes and no questions, I figured out she wanted me to know that she was waiting downstairs, in the parking lot.
2. Earlier that same day, I called a co-worker to get a phone number and using the same method of asking yes and no questions, it was discovered no phone number existed yet for my two friends.  I could hear other parts of the conversation, but much like an ESL student (someone learning the English language) only some of the phrases are easy to understand.
3. Called my parents and knew my mom had answered.  I understood the first couple minutes of conversation until she said the word "Chinese."  With the rest of the conversation, I just checked on the hard words on the captioning, but mostly I wasn't reading captions.

How amazing is that!  I've not used the phone for so long, that I don't even know how to use a calling card.  Now that I need to send some faxes, it will take practice to learn how it works.

I'm thrilled with the progress, and with some more cleanup work at future mappings, oh my! 

Thank YOU Lord!

Plan for 5th mapping

Yesterday, I made arrangements to go back for another mapping.  While I'm hearing many things quite well, there's some adjusting that needs to be done.  These are the things I've noticed with my CI:

It cuts down any background noise when I whistle or sing loudly.
While whistling, some of the notes seem to be lost. 
Some loud sounds trigger the "self-defense" mechanism, dampening sound too much.
The "s" sounds have grown softer.
The volume setting I would like to use is causing minor facial twitching

These make singing along with music a little iffy.  I hear only the loudest noise such as the crowd singing and not much of my own voice.  Or if I'm singing along with a CD, my own voice drowns out the CD even with volume turned way up(Maybe it's because I'm using my computer to play these songs)

I'm heading back to Honolulu on the 29th for the fifth mapping

At the photography exhibit last night, a multimedia presentation included various kinds of music.  The amazing thing about it all was the music no longer echoed like an off-tune and staticy radio station, but came through as unique individual tunes.  One catchy pop tune had people wanting to dance, but there's no room among the photographs. 

The blessing of hearing people of all nationalities and accents is awesome.  Communication is so much easier with both sound and lip-reading.

Chicken clucking

This cochlear device is playing with my mind.  The actual sound of a chicken clucking sure is bolder than the puny imaginary sound I've generated over the years.  Near the campus mailroom, I heard this Rhode Island hen soundly protesting something that offended her.  She mixed up the clucking with another sound I've never heard...no it wasn't a rooster crowing.  I've heard roosters in the Philippines. (not that well, just the pattern of the sound)  They have them even in the middle class neighborhoods in that country, probably just long enough to end in the cooking pot.

While I was listening to this crazy hen, a two-year old boy came over and pointed right at the chickens.  I'm not sure the kid said something understandable, but I didn't mind.  In that moment the sense of wonder that kids have about discovering their world was identical to my own.  I stood there long enough that the kid's parents (who were gabbing with their friend) could have wondered if I went off the deep end.  I'm just staring directly at the chickens! 

Audio taped voices are coming into focus.  It feels like being on a teeter-totter of sound.  Recogition of speech is up and down, up and down.  Never long enough to recognize an entire sentence, but long enough to put phrases together. 

Closing my eyes to hear

I don't like to close my eyes in order to just listen.  But for one woman speaking today, I tried "just listening."  Turned out to be quite a few words that made sense.  My confidence level influences my perception of sound.  As my hearing improves, I also need to "believe" what I'm hearing.  Does that make sense?

Someone asked me if I could hear the voice coming from a nearby room.  At first it was silent, then when the voice came back I told her yes.  She replied, "That's good."  I asked if she could hear what the person was saying, she said no.  I'm still learning the limits of hearing people so that I don't find myself thinking I should be understanding something when they don't.

The challenging voices of different nationalities trip up hearing people too.  I heard it today, an Australian saying the words 16 to 64 and the moderator "translated" by repeating it and at that point I realized that just like several others in the audience we thought she said 60 to 64.

I'm very pleased and thankful with my hearing.  It only gets better.  I feel God's hand in this, enabling people to dream and come up with the techology that brings such joy.  Yet with all this, He's going to heal it completely one day...no devices needed!

 

End of messages

No I don't mean to scare you into thinking this is the last message, I'm talking about hearing this phrase "End of messages" on the answering machine.  There were some other words I heard, dates and times and so on, but it was fun to recognize that phrase. It didn't come from foreknowledge since I've never heard messages on answering machines except as unintelligiable background noise.

Also today, my Digital Communications teacher came back from Korea, and I could understand so much of what she said.  Our previous form of communication was by using IM even though we were in the same classroom.  She's another one of those people that somehow seemed impossible for me to lip-read with any accuracy.  The other thrill was to hear her voice.  Not a high voice at all, which surprised me.  It just made me realize my hearing aids produced some terrible sounds.  I don't even wear a hearing aid anymore even though I wanted to have sound in that unimplanted ear.

I spent just a few minutes using the Study Dog reading program.  Some of the activities have audio only programs that help me with listening.  Here's the thing.  I aced many of the one word answers in my hearing test a few weeks ago, but the single syllable words on this reading program seem to stump me.  My roommate said something about the computer making the words sound tinny.  So maybe that's where the problem lies.  But even with that problem I score pretty well because I'm only listening for the correct vowel sound.  Sometimes I know the entire word.  This type of progress with a CI is so amazing.  I could never understand any recording before.  Now the hints that speech discrimination will get better keeps me eager to discover the latest improvements. 

wanting more volume

While my volume is not maxing out yet, I've found that when it is turned up higher, it makes my eye twitch again.  After my fourth mapping over two weeks ago, I didn't set the volume up as high as I seem to want it now.  The birds are fading into the background, but then the rain around here might just be dampening their spirits.  Now it is cold enough in this house it would be great to have a heater.  Guess what...we don't have heaters in the house and never even use the heater in the car!

I'm using closed captioning on TV, it makes it easier on me. I'm waiting for my audie to suggest some listening learning, or to approve and reimburse me for a software program.  I could turn the captioning off for some listening lessons, but then I switch to lip-reading.  So the best stuff is audio only!

Some CI recipients follow a intense program to relearn to hear.  Since the audie hasn't suggested it to me, I've found it hard to get the motivation to seek out  the audio only stuff that could sharpen my "recall" of the speech I've heard.  I've also noticed that my "s" sounds are not as loud, probably goes along with the need for more volume.

The dial on my CI is very sensitive, a little tweak makes the volume go up pretty fast.  If I accidentally bump it up it gets turned down pretty fast after that.  Way too much! 

So for folks out there wondering how long it takes to get speech recognition, the answer is very mixed.  There are a few stars who do really well, there are those who get it after three months, and some take more time.  I'm getting a mixture of words, but the difference is very obvious, because I understand most people because lip-reading just got a lot easier with the sound to help out. 

It really is cool to hear all the different accents...we have a lot of internationals on campus.  A few days ago one was telling me she took dance class.  I couldn't recognize the word dance because it sounded more like dunce rather than dance!  Oh dear, well she's not in the dunce class!