Roaring Lamb

7th mapping

Getting a map that makes great improvements is not an easy task.  I've got two new maps on my auria, and can't seem to tell the difference between them, except one is louder.  I do use the phone, and stumble over phrases, which isn't helping my confidence any.  But there's lots of time when paying attention to people talking around me, that I understand what they are saying sans lips. 

I have one more appointment on Dec 15, and a specialist from AB is coming.  If I can get more volume without more twitching, it might give me the edge.  I already got that improvement at a previous map, but still crave to turn this thing up some more...but then there are certain noises, like the road traffic about 100 yards away is already pretty noticeable.

I love my Auria, and would like to get another cochlear implant.  I'll give it a couple years, then pursue it with whatever insurance company I happen to be with. The main carrier is Medicare, so I don't know if others have had much success in getting a second CI with them.

Hearing tech talk

Listening to a car mechanic speaking double-time and in "car lingo" language overwhelmed me today.  In these circumstances it is easy to lose confidence in this new hearing ability.  Getting upset tends to make my hearing even worse.  But talking with a different mechanic made me realize that "hearing folks" have troubles understanding certain people also.  It is one of those times it is important to focus on the moments when communication (without lip-reading) is possible with my cochlear implant.

After thinking about my struggle with the car mechanic, it dawned on me that perhaps the volume was too low...and it was.  It wouldn't have completely cleared up the difficulty in understanding the fast-speaking car mechanic spouting different lingo than normal conversation, but it would have helped matters a bit.  Being uptight or nervous really interferes with my comprehension...hard to remember that too.  Am I disappointed in those moments...some...but it is not a setback, just a clue to how complex hearing can be.  I'm still not too different from someone trying to learn English, the words crowd the brain (I must have a small one! just kidding), and it can't keep up with the newness of it all.

Now the best thing to do?  Never take my hearing for granted...

Cell phones

By the seventh month it seems totally normal to hear.  It gets harder to remember that these sounds are created by a cochlear implant.  Hearing aids never allowed me to enjoy life like I do now.  The memories are fading of how bad my hearing was before, in spite of the fact there is dead silence when the CI's are taken off for the night or for swimming. 

My phone skills took a leap into the stratosphere during my time away from the CapTel phone I used at work in Hawaii. During my time with family and friends in Oregon, I've discovered that using a regular phone does work for me most of the time.  I've conducted business such as making appointments, contacting my real estate agent, talking with friends over a landline phones with minor difficulty.  Some voices are still not good for me...mainly high pitches.  There are bad hearing moments, but most of the time I get what the other person is talking about. Now that I'm using a cell phone all the hearing folks think I'm just one of them!

I've not had a new mapping (computer programming of my device) since May and am way overdue.  I'm only using one program, and plan to get the other two program settings ready for phone use and for music use.  Currently my usable map allows me to hear all the sounds around me, and a phone map would cut external noises so that the speaker's voice is easier to understand. 

So cool to have a phone in my pocket, and not feel stranded at the airport or any other place wondering where the TTY phones are and if they actually work.  If I'm at the store and think of something another person needs, I can pull out my cell phone and call them...hey I went from stone age to ultratech!

I'm so grateful to hear.  Thank you Jesus for making this possible.

In the dark

Tomorrow night, I'll be listening to people around the campfire.  It's something that always bugged me, that it was too dark to have a conversation.  But this time....

I'm listening to a cricket outside my bedroom...there's also a sprinkler going.  I've been using the phone unassisted most of the time...since my CapTel is back in Hawaii...it is a good thing, for the practice is giving me confidence. 

In noisy situations, cochlear implants don't work that well, and that was obvious when I sat down with my friend Lorrie at the Point restaurant.  I still need a map for those types of conversations I also need it for phone use, since I have to walk to the quietest part of the house in order to call anyone.  No fans, no tv noise and so on.

Yesterday, I poured my pop over a bunch of ice, something I don't do very often.  The resulting fizz captured my attention...it was so loud I thought it was something else altogether.  But I noticed the noise started and stopped everytime my cola created a head of bubbles over the ice.  Ah, such a small thing, but impossible to hear before my surgery.

So one day I can do the other ear, but I'm not in a hurry.  I'm one of those who wants upgraded technology before going bilateral.  Direction of sound is great, but increased clarity is my priority.  I'm very pleased with the quality of what I'm hearing.  There's glitches such as a gravelly sound in men's voices, but I'm not complaining.

God is SO GOOD!

Crickets and more

I'm in Sweet Home, Oregon at my parent's house and it is wonderful to explore the new sounds.  While there's lots of birds in Hawaii, there are no crows.  That sound was easy for me to figure out, since they were loud enough for my old hearing aids to pick up.  But the sound I hold in my heart as one lost in all these years--sort of a measuring stick--is the song of a cricket.  A friend brought a box that played the sound of a cricket, but I still wanted to listen to those around my childhood home.

Just one little bugger, but that cricket sure did sound sweet to my ears.  I moved around, listening for the sound to get louder, since that is the only clue to direction of sound (only hearing with one ear) and when I got too close, the fiddling stopped.  Well, there's plenty more new sounds waiting for me to hear them for the first time.  But this one is special...it tells me how much I've regained...I did hear them as a very young child.

There's a bug zapper, and one of those street lights at my parents house, and I located them with my ear, before someone told me what the noise was.  I also cherished hearing my niece and nephew's voices.  They certainly turned the volume up on these kids!  Where do I go to turn it down again? Hehe

One of the favorite parts was doing some phoning to local people since I don't have my CapTel phone with me.  I managed to make arrangments to meet them somewhere and it was a great feeling.  Imagine my frustration when a couple days later, the same phone seemed to have so much static on it, that voices disappeared and became impossible to hear.  I switched to a different phone, and voices are clear, but this one doesn't allow the volume to be turned up.  I tried to contact customer support, but couldn't make heads or tails out of what she was saying...this time using a cell phone that pumped out the sound through "conference calling" or where everyone can hear the conversation.  My parents had a hard time understanding also, so perhaps it was an accent throwing me off.

Phones are an on and off affair for me, but it is getting where I can get basic understanding of what is being said.  I've got another mapping appointment next month (I hope) and some more fine tuning is needed to get those voices louder and clearer.

Facial twitching is not really a problem anymore.  It's there, but the volume is high enough that I don't need to pump it up and suffer the consquences of "winking" during certain sounds.

Well this is way too long...consquence of putting off writing for several weeks.  I'll be hearing some new stuff at my parents house, and plan to write about these CI moments more often.

speech recognition

Due to force of my lip-reading habit, I've only gradually been aware that I can hear entire conversations without looking at the person.  It works best if they are within a few feet, in a quiet setting, and they don't mumble! 

I sat in a large room with 12 people, each of them praying at different times.  One voice across the room seemed really good, not enough for every word, but I just kept smiling as more understanding poured in.  I have to pinch myself to remember that it's happening without my looking at her.  But the one sitting on my left sure came through bell clear.  So nice to have speech recognition even if it is dependant on a quiet setting.

Listening to Mozart again.  I'll have to seek out more of these relaxing songs.  Passionate songs, full of quick notes are fine, but I like having them sound out a bit longer, so they can be savored.

People don't know how good this hearing can be.  I just get this big ol' silly grin on my face when speech recognition comes along without the lip-reading to back it up.  Most of the time I'm looking at the person, so this progress is even sneaking up on me.  Sure makes social events a lot more relaxing.  YES! YES!

6 month mark

Six months!  I happened to put on my hearing aid today, since kayaking seemed a bit too risky for my CI.  But even a regular sized boat freaks me out, the idea of an accidental dunking is a bit too much. The sound...well you couldn't call it a sound. I sang, turned the hearing aid on and off...there certainly wasn't much difference.  It made me so happy to know how effective my CI was.

I'm listening to  Mozart, and it is mellower than the other classic music I've heard so far, like Vivaldi's Four Seasons.  After such a long time ignoring music, there's certainly a whole world of sound yet to be discovered.  My friend gave me a music box.  It isn't what you would expect, for inside is a cricket and it was LOUD!  Heh.  It wasn't a real cricket, but I should hear some pretty soon, just need to get out in the country at night...especially when getting back to Oregon for a visit.

I'm getting speech recognition, not dependable, but I'm patient, because it really exceeds my expectations already.  Folks are not going to be able to "talk behind my back" much anymore...perhaps for good in another six months. 

My facial twitching got reduced to a acceptable level at my last mapping.  I could still use volume, but there's enough at my current settings...and it doesn't make it look like I'm winking all the time!

I need my six-month check-up, but I've not been aggressive with getting my appointments and I'll be off-island for a month anyway.  As a matter of fact I don't even know what my score is from my first testing.  Life has been too full to worry about details like that.  But even at the 3 month mark, it impressed me how many words I did get right.

Thank you LORD, I love this hearing!  Thanks to gifted people, this all came about.  I'm not bilateral, and am not yet pushing for one...why not let the technology develop a bit more anyhow.  It took 2 years from my initial discovery of the CI's potential to my activation day.  Those were extremely frustrating days of waiting and waiting.  Now the first six months have rolled along, and all is well.

What do I hear?

This is the toughest question to answer when people see that I'm still dependent on reading lips.  Truth to be told, is that I'm not on any auditory training except to listen to audio recordings that I can read along with.  I'm still hoping to get some software that will help me with training this brain to recognize phrases quicker.  Training to hear with a CI is like learning to type.  Some people learn to type without prolonged typing drills, others take far longer.  I'm like someone who is learning by hunting and pecking the keys.  Other than listening to audiotapes, I keep looking at people for the visual and hearing cues to communicate.

Yet when listening to the radio in my car, I get some of what they are talking about.  This is above the car noise, so even the background road noise isn't blocking my understanding.  However my comprehension would improve if I worked at it constantly.  I'm just learning the slow route, letting sounds come to me, rather than pursuing them.

After numerous years of lip-reading, this listening style is still predominant.  But with my CI, I hear  the differences between women and men's voices.  I hear all the different frequencies one hears on piano, guitar and so on...if they are played without accompaniment.  With other sounds added in, it becomes multi-layered, making it harder to perceive each note alone.  (probably true for hearing people too, but hey, I would I know?)

When sounds are loud, such a band playing, the CI zeros in on that and makes my voice impossible to hear.  Or if the background music is soft, my voice drowns out the music.  This means I cannot sing along with the current settings.  There's little to use for pitch perception.  However the music, the cymbals, guitars, drums, violins all can be heard, along with vocals.  It is like looking at a blow-up of a low resolution picture.  I can "hear" the music, but it has those "square edges" just like a pixelated picture detracts from the overall look.  Even this description doesn't do music justice though.  My hearing is somewhat fragmented because I'm only hearing with one ear.  Also the threshold of some frequencies is limited on purpose to keep my facial nerve from twitching at loud noises. 

My former hearing aid basically only jacked up the static, made the bass sounds louder.  My CI opens the door to all the frequencies, I hear voices, plastic rustling, fans running, cars zipping down the highway.  There's no comparison, and I'll look into getting a second CI when finances allow.

Too easy to forget

New hearing moments come all the time, they just are not so easy to spot.  I remember listening to a rerun on TV and it played "Silent Night"  I discovered the piano player used a different key, a lower harmony that I'm used to.  But it reminded me of how far I've come.  Before my CI I would just play "the tune I remember" in my head, substituting it for the real sounds from the piano.

I still have mixed results in using the phone.  There's times things are fairly clear, and others where it is pretty muddled.  It is obvious that when there's no pressure to hear them, and I'm more relaxed, then the understanding is much clearer.  How can you relax however when you've been put on hold by those dratted auto-attendants?  It is also a mapping need, because I still have the sensitivity set too high for phone use...can't change it on an auria, and I'm not planning to change my lifestyle to use the body-worn device which does allow for sensitivity changes.

My identity is still ungoing many changes.  Am I a hearing person?  A deaf person? How do I respond to people after the realization comes I missed something critical, but it is in a group situation.  Those are challenges that take time to sort out even nearly six months later.  So it is almost schziophrenic.  Night times and battery changes turn me into a deaf person.  Loud external noises keep me as a moderately deaf person when trying to hear a conversation.  But in quiet places, I'm nearly good as new with hearing on one side.

So patience is the key.  So is the willingness to admit that the cochlear implant, while astounding, doesn't convert me into a normal hearing person.  Hard to describe this, but it sure makes it tricky for personal relationships, because if you believe you hear everything, but your actions show otherwise....they'll still think you are stuck up or not paying attention...  WAah!  Finding the balance isn't all that easy.

A saxaphone

Lots of hearing experiences left to notch on my belt.  A couple of days ago, I "notched" hearing a saxaphone.  I can see how that instrument can stir the blood of those who love the blues and jazz.  At this point I want to hear instruments separately.  They sound fine together, but it is something like taking it apart to see how it works, to know the individual sounds...helps appreciating the big band sound.  I loved it, but violins will remain my favorite.

There's a subtle but annoying glitch in my program two.  It cuts off even quiet sounds for no reason.  The only way to tell is that a fan noise in the distance comes on, goes soft, comes back and so on.  It happened with only a certain frequency, something below the high frequency area.  It is really hard to narrow down.  But it annoyed me enough tonight while sitting at the computer, that I just unplugged my CI...it was close to bedtime anyhow. 

I've stuck with program two for most of this week.  It doesn't do music with the "big band" sound, but does it nicely enough that I have to think about it to realize certain sounds are not as loud as they should be.  But I'm okay with it, since it means the volume can be louder without the annoying twitching of my left eye. 

Oh there's so many CI moments I'm missing just because they seem so normal, my brain doesn't recognize it as a milestone.  I do hear the police siren, but not if the radio is playing loud.  Hey any hearies out there experience the same thing?  Oh now I remember a CI moment.  I've never known a cat was meowing unless they were practically in my face or I looked at them.  I knocked on a door, no one was home except the cat was meowing!  I've babysat! this cat, and wanted to see how much it had grown.  Couldn't see it, but got to hear it talking to me...trying to invite me into the house.

It's great...there are other moments like this, but this 'noggin doesn't remember they are NEW!